Help Tweaking A Poem?

My mom wrote a poem to put in my senior add in my yearbook this year. I know she worked really hard on it and I tried as hard as I could not to hurt her feelings but I really don’t like it. I just really hate poems that don’t rhyme and hers doesn’t even flow right.
This is her poem:
You were a miracle from the start,
Special in every way.
Walking at nine months, talking early
A smile almost as big as your heart.
You’re a beautiful young woman now,
Talented, creative
Intelligent and industrious
A true and caring friend and daughter.
You strive to excel in all you do
At school, work, or play
Shy but passionate, gentle but strong
A winning combination for you.
Your high school days will soon be through,
College looms ahead.
A bright future is assured for you,
With friends and family always near.
I mean it’s not TERRIBLE, just certain things about it really bother me. I tried to fix it and make it rhyme but she says it sounds juvenille. This was mine: (there are some blanks where I didn’t figure out what to put yet)
You were a miracle from the start,
Special in every way.
Something something something heart
Something something day.
You’re a beautiful young woman now,
Talented ______
Intelligent and industrious
A true caring friend and daughter
You strive to excel in all you do
At school, at work, or play
Shy but passionate, gentle but strong
A winning combination for ayy
Your high school days will soon be through,
College looms ahead.
A bright future is assured for you,
And then you end up dead
Please help fix it so it rhymes and flows right!